Motivation & Goal Setting with Tom Terwilliger

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Tom Terwilliger

Tom Terwilliger is the author of the 7 Rules of Achievement and is the President of Coaching Leadership Excellence. Tom’s unique background as a former Mr. America and longtime Fox Sports Net fitness TV show host has allowed him the opportunity to reach and impact the lives of millions of people with his message of high achievement through strengthening mind, body and will. Tom is also co-founder of a personal growth and development training program designed to move you from where you are to where you want to be in one giant leap of faith… Experience THE LEAP.

What you’ll learn from Tom:

  • Why your mindset is crucial to achieving your fitness goals.
  • What it means to strengthen your “will.”
  • The first step to take when you want to achieve a big goal, like losing weight.
  • How to make goal setting more effective.
  • How to stay motivated for the long haul.
  • Specific tips to avoid falling back into old habits.
  • How to stay on track when your life is full of unexpected interference that comes with a busy life.
  • How the 7 Rules of Achievement will help you achieve success in all areas of your life.
  • What the Reticular Activating System (RAS) is and how it can profoundly impact your achievement.
  • Specific methods for improving self-confidence.
  • The two most important elements that must be in place to achieve just about any objective.

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Enjoy This Full Text Transcript of the Video

Welcome everyone. Dustin Riechmann here.

In today’s interview, I have the great honor to of speaking to Tom Terwilliger. Tom is an achievement coach, and he has a very unique background, and very inspiring story that he’ll share right here at the top of the interview. Tom is actually a former Mr. America bodybuilder and he’s went on to help a lot of people, get their mindset right, find their self-confidence, find the will to achieve great things and he’s also the author of a great book called ‘Seven Rules of Achievement’. And we’ll talk about a lot about those seven rules in today’s interview.

You don’t want to miss this one; it’s full of energy and full of great information. So, let’s jump right in.

Dustin:     Welcome everyone; I’m very excited today to welcome Tom Terwilliger to our program. As I mention in the introduction, Tom’s the author of the ‘Seven Rules of Achievement’. He’s also the President of Coaching Leadership Excellence and he’s a former Mr. America bodybuilder. So Tom is going to have a lot of insights and the mindset, both in success, in all of aspects of our lives but especially in our fitness. So, with that Tom, I just like to let you introduce yourself for those who don’t know you and give a little bit about your unique background and what got you to where you are today.

Tom:        I appreciate it. First, let me say I really appreciate you taking the time to put together this project, and to serve people the way you’re doing because I know, having done something similar in the past, that is no easy task, to get together a group of people, the very minimum twelve leading authorities in any given subject and get them together to spend their time and to really serve your listeners and viewers. So, I really got commend you and reward you for taking that action and making it happen. Putting it together you might say.

Dustin:     Well, thank you very much.

Tom:        And I’m honored to be part of it, so I want to let you know, I really thank you very much, I appreciate it.

Dustin:     Excellent.

Tom:        And yeah, you’re right about one thing, for sure I’ve got, assume I need background but I think everyone does in many respects. Everyone’s got their own unique experience, you might say ‘story’, right? Everyone’s got a story. I think there was an old TV show, I can’t remember they go to this about Los Angeles and The Naked City “Where there’s a Million People, a Million Stories”. Everybody’s got their unique experience in life. For me, it goes back way early on as a child growing up as an identical twin, experiencing some learning disabilities back in those days, that were really challenging for us, my twin brother and I. And as a result, we started to express ourselves in ways that weren’t the most productive.

Dustin:     Okay.

Tom:        First, I was the class clown and then I was the class fighter, we’re always fighting. And then it really, it was sort of a detrimental period of time because I developed some really limiting disempowering beliefs around who I was and what I deserve in life as a result. And again, I know this component for a lot of people something that they experience as well. I used to think I was the only one who had Dyslexia Hyperactivity, what they would probably or have to define today as Attention Deficit Disorder.

Dustin:     Sure.

Tom:        And you know, as a kid, you think you’re the only one who’s got to stop and it makes you weird. And so I’ve grow up kind of thinking I was weird, I’m certainly different by all means, and the most disempowering was stupid. I believe that was stupid because I really had tough time reading with the Dyslexia and if you can’t read, you’ can’t keep up with the rest of the class, and it’s just, it starts to assimilate and that was the disempowering belief. So by the time I was in tenth grade in high school, again I was already a little bit different, I had my group of friends and peers and we were kind of tough guys and we were already into drugs and alcohol even at that age. I got my first motorcycle, my first Harley Davidson it was a 1954 Penhead.  I converted it into a chopper and I started riding a Chopper Holidays in tenth grade, “Who does that?”

Dustin:     Oh my. Yeah.

Tom:        And there was nobody to hang out, there was nobody to ride with. So, and then there’s only one better sound than a Harley Davidson and that’s many Harley Davidson side by side. So I thought, my job was then to seek out, to find guys to ride with, that I can hang out with because I had this image in my mind, that’s sort of (unintelligible 4:15 Molembrendo) image in my mind that this was cool, this was power, this was strength, a group of guys riding motorcycle. But it was also a way of bonding and connecting creating a brotherhood, which I also loved.

 So I went to, wherever, whatever bars I would drive by and my motorcycle’s parked up front and even today, not so bad today but I got to tell you, in the late 70s or early 80s, you drove by a bar that  Harley Davidson’s parked out front of it, it really probably wasn’t the most wholesome environment.

And as a result, I started riding with guys, that were great guys certainly but I picked up with a group of Valhalla bikers in Long Island in New York, and started riding with them and for the next five years, that was my lifestyle, riding with and as an ‘outlaw biker’. Until one day I come to make a decision, and I won’t get into the full story, the story is in the Seven Rules of Achievement if you’d like to pick up a copy of the book.

Dustin:     Sure.

Tom:        The story and the rules, that’s some of the things we’re going to talk about today or embed in there as well. But I made an empowering decision that was a tough one. The decision was to leave that lifestyle, then happened, as a result of sort of a traumatic experience but the key was, the decision. So with that decision, I mean everything changed, I got to tell you. A lot of us face those moments in our lives; those experiences where we know were not involved in something or living a lie or not being our authentic selves in any respects.  You put up a full space and this is who we’d become or we thing we are in many respects and sometimes we judge a decision, a really unkind decision that, “that’s it, enough”. And if you follow through on that decision and you make it, you follow through a congruent action, everything can change. And for me it changed.

The big question was how is it going to change? I didn’t know, it’s sort of like a leap of faith, you know that what you’re leaving behind is like, I can’t take anymore, I will not allow that in my life anymore. It has destroyed my life, my relationship, whatever might be. I’m going to take this giant leap away from something or we don’t always know exactly what we’re leaping towards. So what happened is, you just land, and just sort of, it opens up all sorts of opportunities. For me, it was getting back in the gym, because in the high school, in early on, I was training and, actually competing a couple of bodybuilding contests and did pretty well.

So I got back in the gym, sort of rebuilding the body that I’ve been destroying for the last five years.

Dustin:     Okay

Tom:        Along with it, I started rebuilding my self-esteem, my sense of self worth as well. So those things were also really important factors in the gym. We’ll talk about strength of will, a little bit later on but a big part of that trunk to what happens in the gym, when you push yourself, when you go beyond what’s comptible.

 Anytime you go beyond what’s comptible, your strength and your internal ability to move forward with other decisions. So the body building career started to take off and I wound up competing in several competitions and ultimately competing in the Mr. America and winning that title, and competing in several Mr. Olympia’s and sort of created a whole new life, a whole new experience that was much more authentic with who I really was versus the other lifestyle, and somehow I allowed myself to get wrapped up in.

Dustin: That’s excellent, that’s quite a story and I think I’m sure the specifics were very for a lot of people. The actual biker gang probably doesn’t enter in a lot of our lives and I think the general story they’re having to make tough decision, having that V sort of a turning point in your life and make a leap. I think that’s definitely we can relate to, for a lot of us.

Tom:        Absolutely, we all have those experiences where there’s something, maybe we made a wrong decision and now we’re sort of stuck, we’re trapped or caught up in it. For a lot of people it’s jobs and careers, for some it is relationships, for others it’s different things and it’s tough it’s never easy. Sometimes, I have a, my experience is one of the things that I teaches that, this is something that’s true for your body as well your mind and your spirit as you move forward with anything. Your unconscious mind, physically or emotionally, spiritually, it’s going to whisper it to you, you need to make some changes, it gives you subtle hints that, this isn’t right, you’re not living authentic self it’s time for a change but we don’t listen, Either we don’t want to listen or we get really busy, “my god there’s so much stuff going on, right?”

Dustin:     Yeah…

Tom:        We get caught up and stop so we don’t listen to the whisper, and we get a shout you might say. A shout sometimes is a warning. Physically, for something that might be, let’s say blood pressure or some of their back is altered, they develop all throughout the cant’s  or whatever might be that this is a shout and then a slap at the face if we don’t listen to the shout. And for me, when I was living that lifestyle, I used to get the “oosshwaaa” I hear the whisper several times. Then it became a shout but I had to make a decision, have I not made that decision?  I’m not taking that leap of faith and then this goes for everyone who’s in that position right now.

If you don’t take that leap of faith, you will ultimately get slapped. It’s the whisper, the shout and slap in the face, don’t wait to get slapped, make the decision move on start taking congruent action and you’ll be amazed with what happens in terms of your inner strength, the ability to make more decisions like that, and really empower your life  is extraordinary.

Dustin:     That’s what it makes it a lot of sense, as you’re leaded to, we’ve got a wide variety of experts and we talk them a lot of different aspects like with fitness. I think a lot of people expect to hear the ABS expert, the nutritionist. Personally, I think this is one of our most important interviews to have an Achievement Coach.

Tom:        Thank you.

Dustin:     Because I think, that’s where most people actually struggle, it’s not so much in the knowledge, and it’s in doing it.

Tom:        Yeah.

Dustin:     So, would you agree that, this focus in mindset is really the key for anyone out there who wants to achieve any kind of help for fitness goals.

Tom:        What’s really interesting, a friend of mine invited to come speak in his transformation event last year. It was a big event, there probably was, over five hundred people there and some of the leading experts in the area of creating great abs and leaning AB and getting ripped and getting cut and really getting you into right shape. And all of that had extraordinary tools that I’ve questioned, one of the questions, that was posed to the audience and resisting,

I didn’t pose this question. What was, what do you think is the most important factor in really getting in shape and creating this lifestyle, this transformation because the main event was called The Transformation on me, this transformation that you want in your life. What’s the most important thing is the ‘nutrition’. Probably of 25% of the hands went up. Is it the exercise? Another 25% of the hands went up. How about mindset? “Boom, overwhelmingly, it was like they knew”.

Dustin:     Yeah

Tom:        This is what’s up again, most people who even set goals will struggle along the way, let’s take up the mindset. Right, to be able to move towards that goal, our objective and it really doesn’t matter what the exercises are, what the program looks like in that respect, if you don’t have the right mindset, after a while, what happens is the old patterns starts to come back into play.

I called them the ‘default patterns’ or ‘default modes’, and if the mind is a little bit confused about ” wait a minute, am I this guy with great abs, am I this couple that is fit and go walking together and mountain climb and bike together and I just had this really healthy physical and fitness relationship”? Or “are we this couple that sits back and watch TV eat chips every weekend”? And you make a decision that “Hey, we’re this couple, we’re this healthy couple”. This is what I’m going to do either individually, or as a couple, and they make a decision, they start moving towards it. But the mind is a little bit confused just like “wait a minute, am I this?” or “am I this?”

Dustin:     Yeah.

Tom:        And what would happen normally is it would revert back to what it believes in the deepest core level indeed, where for most people they’ve gotten into the habit of sitting back watching TV eating chips and whatever they might be doing in the weekend. So that becomes the ‘default mode’ so unless we’re really clear and create the mindset needed to make that shift, the dramatic shift,” after a while, I start to gravitate right back to the old ‘default mode”. So, the mindset component is critical, no question.

Dustin:     Okay. That makes a lot of sense.

Tom:        Yeah.

Dustin:     And it’s kind of three components here and I know you’re reading some of the materials that you’ve shared. You’re talking about strengthening your mind, your body and your will. I think most people obviously; you’re not strengthening your body through exercise and fitness. I think most people understand your mind maybe through education. That sort of aspect, but how do you strengthen your will and what does that really mean?

Tom:        Well, I tell you, those first two components, the body and the mind, both obviously contribute to that component, the WILL.

Dustin:     Okay.

Tom:        What is the will, the strength of our will? Willpower could be defined as willpower. Let’s face it, if you have ‘will weakness’, what does that mean? That means that when you’re faced with those critical decisions based on something you’ve decided, this is it, I’m losing ten pounds in the next month, I’m losing fifty pounds over the next six months. I’ve made that decision; I’m moving towards it, I start my exercise program. But if we have ‘will weakness’, when the opportunity to have those chips or some dip like “hey, we’re facing the holidays”. And it’s like pretty tough for a lot of people during those holidays to really say ‘NO’ because most people don’t have the willpower to do that.

Now ultimately, someone who’s really created that shift we’ve talked about and created that new neural pathway, that new default mode, which is “hey, you know what? I’m fit. I’m healthy, I have this great healthy relationship with both exercises and love it and enjoy it. We eat healthy most of the time”. We created a new default mode so it doesn’t take a tremendous amount of will any longer to maintain that new default mode. But if you’re still in this default mode, and you’ve made a decision to be here, if you’re not strengthening your will, you don’t have a strong willpower to do this congruent actions needed to create this new state, this new belief. It doesn’t happen, it won’t take whole.

So a couple of ways that you could strengthen your will to succeed you might say, is certainly for me has always been the ‘GYM’. When we get into the gym for example and then just getting to the gym, is an exercise in will. There’s a phase especially if parents and husbands and wives is really to get distracted and get pulled off course. I hear people, how can you get to gym. I had to put all my gym clothes in the bag, and my sneakers, I didn’t have clean socks, and I had to get into the car and to turn the key in the car. Go down the block, make the left turn, half a mile of the road, then I had to pull in the park and it’s always tough to find a parking space. Then I got to get into the gym, change my clothes, and work as “Oh my, it’s just too much”. You can compound anything at make it seem damn thing if you want, or you could just break it down, the bigger chance to see “you know what? This is part of who I am”.

Getting in the car and putting on clothes in the car is no big deal, it’s not a big deal. So, you strengthen the will just by going to the gym certainly. But one of the really acute opportunities to strengthen your willpower, your ability to move forward is every time you hear yourself saying no, you got to say “hey, thank you for sharing” . That’s that little inner voice; we all have this little inner voice that will direct us towards the default mode.

Dustin:     Okay.

Tom:        Who’ve we were, who we’d begin to believe we were, right, just old ‘potato chip eating person’ on the couch. The inner mind, the part of ego wants us “to stay there comfortable, I don’t need this crap, what are you doing?”

So it’ll find ways, it will make you acutely aware that “oh my god, I got to pack my clothes in the bag, get in the car start to cry or drive down the street. It’s created, that’s your little inner voice that wants you stay right here. So strengthening will is get in the car and going but also in the gym, when you’re going to those exercises, your body is going to want to stop. At some points, it’s going to say “that’s enough”. And on a scale from one to ten, “that’s enough” may only represent a three or a four for you.

 

Dustin:     Sure.

 

Tom:        You’re capable about eight, nine or ten. Even not, if you work on the shape you’re in. It’s all relative, your one to ten is relative to where you are right now and your ‘three’ is not all you can do.  But it’s all our body wants to do at that moment. We strengthen the will by pushing it to a four, five, six and eight. We strengthen the will every time we say NO to the default mode and push pass the pain barrier. Because there’s a pain barrier in the gym, there’s a pain barrier in our lives, in every different areas, all different areas, and right? One of my favorite fitness pros is Todd Durkin, you know Todd Durkin?

 

Dustin:     Yeah. I’m familiar with him.

 

Tom:        Todd’s terrific, and he’s really captured the ability to push people pass the pain barrier. Another one is Juan Carlos Santana who I’d love to quote. Juan gave me this quote today, it is so perfect for pushing pass, is that when we get into the gym or any area of our life that we’ve challenged, and we’re facing that wall, I mean like a marathon, it’s the classic is the marathon, you hit the wall, right?

 

Dustin:     Yeah.

 

Tom:        Well, for most of us, most of us would not really train out our will yet. That wall is nothing more than a curtain with bricks painted on it.

 

Dustin:     Okay.

Tom:        So face it, we think it’s real and the only way we’re going to discover that it’s not real is by going up, pushing ourselves far up to get to the wall and touch it and as soon as we touch it. It parks a little bit and then we see the holy crap, there’s more on the other side. I can do more, I can push pass that curtain which is the illusionable wall and when we do that, every time we do that even small little accumulative component strengthens our will.

It strengthens this new belief that I can versus I can’t. Because there’s an old saying “would you believe you can or you believe you can’t?” Your right! It’s the only way to get really get pass that I can’t is to continually push forward, question it and do whatever the congruent activities are to get passed that wall. Touch the curtain, and discover that you’ve got more way beyond. That’s how we strengthen the will on a daily basis.

Dustin:     That’s a great analogy. I love that.

Tom:        Well thank Juan Carlos Santana, my good friend for that.

Dustin:     Okay, I will do that. You’ve mentioned several times, it makes a lot of sense to me that we want to revert back to our default mode, we have a default mode and our body is just not comfortable or our mind, anything; it’s not comfortable getting away from that.

It’s much more comfortable just to be the same old person that you believe that you are deep down. And this probably is a loaded question and it probably is a maybe a whole interview in itself but the question is “How do you change your default mode so you feel like you’re still that ‘the lazy guy’ on the couch eating chips, and so I can see any little crack in your willpower, you revert back to that. You want to be fit and active husband and father who looks great, feels good, makes that a part of his life. How do you make that shift through that? I guess it’s the shift in mindset to where you have a new default mode.

Tom:        Hey, that’s a great question and it is a little bit loaded because I mean we’re not, when we talk about loaded, we’ll talk about like cocking a shotgun, pointing it at yourself and saying “Okay, you’re going to do that”. That’s how loaded it is. Because it is tough and when that shotgun goes off, it’s like it may not really be or it’s that classic ‘be careful what you wish for’. So in our minds, we were always careful what we wish for because it may represent some change and change more than public speaking or even death for most people is what we fear most.

We want to change, we’re comfortable right where we are especially these Americans and I know that you can reach a lot more than people living in the continental US, but particularly in America. One of the greatest desires and like we thought into the American dream, isn’t it, we define it as having the home, the job and the family.

The American dream is comfort, more than anything else. It’s the desire to be comfortable. I want a nice couch. I want a big screen TV. I want a car that is not going to breakdown. I want it all that I got enough financial security to make sure I can get through retirement without running out of money before I run out of time. I want to be comfortable. So in many respects, changing that mindset to create, and that’s a, I want to even call that a, as survival or even a scarcity type mindset.

Shifting to an abundant mindset, it does, it is a loaded shotgun. It does take quite an effort. But the effort is simply this; it’s identifying what you want. You can identify certainly what you don’t want, what your dissatisfied with and many times, the dissatisfaction that what we don’t want, what we identify as the pain in our life. As Tony Robbins would say, this is the pain component. We identified that and we decide “enough, I’m not going to allow that anymore, I’m not going to take it anymore. And we use that as the impetus. The pain and the fear could be a great place to start a journey but it’s not where you want to end either, because there’s no joy, there’s no abundance there.

So as I use this, the springboard towards what I want, it’s important that along the way, or even at the very beginning, identify specifically what I want. What does that look like and really painting a picture in your mind, I mean not just visually but what does it sound like, what does it feel like to be that person. To be that person that makes a decision, “you know what? 

At six o’clock, I’ve had my dinner, I sat, I watched a half hour TV, and I did a little bit of reading, BAAAAM! I get up every night; I go off for a night power walk. That’s the part, maybe that’s what this. So what does that feel like? What does that look like? What would it be like to really be that person and what other beliefs that, that person has, but it maybe counted to what I have is the person who prefers to sit on a couch and continued to eat chips. So what are the beliefs? What does that feel like, look like, sound like? And once we’ve made that decision, we use the impetus of fear pain to move forward once we’ve made the decision that what we want. Then the critical thing is to add minimum and this has been scientifically studied for decades, is that a minimum of 21 days, I like to say 30 days.

Dustin:     Okay.

Tom:        So let’s jus say, for 30 days, you decide, you make some congruent actions along the way and that’s getting up at six o’clock going out for a power walk. Going to the gym three times a week, cleaning out the carbohydrates, getting rid of the junk food and putting in what you know will serve you energetically and physically from a longevity standpoint. And you continue those habit, because somewhere along the way, usually about 14 days or halfway through, remember that little inner voice?

Dustin:     Yeah.

Tom:        I call it the ‘dragon’, and the dragon starts to hop and pop saying “You don’t need this, Come on back”, you know what I mean? To find someone to pull you right back. It’s like ” wait a second, I was doing great and then I went to the office party and then always shift to this crap and this candy and I went right back.

 

The danger is, and this is what they’ve discovered through this new habit forming strategy of 21 days or 30 days is that, it’s accumulative. So if you are creating a new habit, let’s just say one behavior, getting out off the couch and go on for a power walk every single night. If that is interrupted even one night, you start back from zero.

Dustin:     Oh, okay.

Tom:        This is why most people never really create new habits because they get interrupted. I would like to say as fitness professional, it’s like “Hey you fell off the wagon, no big deal you’d get right back on the diet”. But if you also know, the reality, is most people really struggle with that, Once they step off the wagon and they choose not to stay in their diet or not to exercise in a daily basis, “damn, it’s thought to get back into it”, much tougher.

 And this is the reason why, 30 days, your 14 days in, you ‘fall off the wagon, and bam, you go back to zero in terms of creating that new neural pathway of what you want, the new default mode. So it’s really critical that we just say, you know what, for that 30 days I am not shifting this new behavior, it’s going to get engrained over that period of time. and you’re going to change the little inner voice, and all of a sudden that the little inner voice will try to pull you back to old default mode, will start to get a little discouraged.

That neural pathway will get a little weaker, its ‘will’, will get weaker why your will gets stronger. And suddenly, there’s a shift in belief, shift in behavior, and before you know it, you’re starting to become the person you really want to become in regards to fitness and health and whatever it is that you want in your life. So that’s one of the ways that we do that, one of the ways we make that leap of faith from this, to this. Does that make sense?

Dustin:     That makes a lot of sense and if anyone gets a take-away from this interview, I mean that, to me that am it right there. You can’t go wrong with that advice because that before the 21 days, 30 days to form a new habit but I never heard clarified in the way that you just did, was really how strict you need to be with that for that period of time because that’s what you need to develop those new ways of thinking and those new, I guess physically new neural pathways and that if you do fall off, you really need to start back at zero and you have 30 days again. That makes a lot of sense and I can have these flashes going through my mind as you’re talking, of different things in my life where that makes a lot of sense that three to four weeks.

Tom:        Yeah, we vote on that.

Dustin:     It becomes part of your lifestyle.

Tom:        Exactly, and then after the 30 days, it starts to happen you’d stop to discipline yourself  but the will has gotten stronger, you’ve touched the curtain, you created a new neural pathway. You created an image for not only what you want, the pain that you want to move away from but what you want.

But you’ve also gotten kind of clear on what that look and feels like and you’re starting to believe that “holy mackle, that’s who I am”. I got a client some years ago that really, and we only identified it after about a year of training together, because you kept on going back, the old default, like you’d lose weight, then go back, yoyo right? 

And we’ve identified that he had this really disempowering belief that goes back to his childhood. That, number one, he’s not an athlete. I’m not an athlete, not only that, but he hated athletes. He was bullied by athletes, he was humiliated by athletes, and his parents on the other side of the coin encouraged him to be intellectual, to be academic. This was the most important thing in life, read study learn and by all means very important.

But we can’t neglect and as we know people who had neglected their physiology suffer. So if they encouraged neglecting the physiology, and on the other side he was picked on by people that really emphasized physiology, the athletes. “boom he had this dynamic going on in his mind that he’s trying because he knows he got to work at it, he wants to stay more fit, he wants to look better, but he’s got “be an academic, don’t be an athlete”  and everything we’re doing represents this new dichotomy of actually being an athlete. So we had to create some difference, we had to re-frame what we were doing and change them all beliefs about being an athlete with him. And he had to create some new behaviors that we’re congruent with that new belief in order to make it happen. And ultimately, it did, it really changed everything.

Dustin:     That’s a great case study.

Tom:        Yeah.

Dustin:     And to choose you as his coach, that was a big first step, right?

Tom:        It really was actually.

Dustin:     He wasn’t an athlete and he was using your success quotes. That’s pretty cool.

Tom:        What’s interesting is, and I liked that you used the word ‘coach’ because as fitness trainers and fitness professionals, we tend to forget that component that we’re really coaches as much as anything else.

Dustin:     Sure.

Tom:        Again, I said this was a several years ago and as a personal trainer for years; I was using all the other game tools and strategies for pretty good success. The exercise component, we shift it, we did new dynamic, we super set, we do tons with it, and we changed up the routine every three months with all our clients.

The nutrition thing, we had it down, but what we were neglecting was the mindset, we’re neglecting the most important component. And I started to go a little back to when I was making that shift from here ‘outlaw biker’ to Mr. America, it’s prety radical shift and that’s a big leap. With the most important thing, and it was the mindset. So I really began to study mindset, I begun, because at that time I was studying some of the great coaches: Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, and Max, several others along the way.

Dustin:     Sure.

Tom:        And what I realized was they have some tools, Tony Robbins particularly had some really great tools for creating belief shifts, aligning values and getting people in the mindset for achievement and long-term success. 

So I begin to study everything Tony studied in terms of neural linguistic programming, hypnosis, change, techniques and strategies, how the mind works and developing neural pathways and how we can interrupt those pathways. And it was only after that, that I really started using those in the coaching, that I’ve sort  to identified those kind of things like my client who had this disempowering belief  and his other belief that collided  would not allow him to really create  ongoing success in this area.

So we don’t need to study and pay for ten years to understand this stuff and just to create the shift, all we need to do is be able to  first recognize,  you cant change anything unless you’ve identified that it needs a change first.  So hopefully whatever I’m sharing today will help those people in this call watching this video, identify “whoa, that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been going back; I’ve been living based on this old disempowering belief that is now OBSTACLE,

That is now ‘yes obstacles’ but obsolete. So if it’s obsolete how do I change it? Hopefully we’ve gotten some tools all ready for changing out for 30 days. You decide, create an action and follow through for 30 days. So, you’re absolutely right.

Dustin:     Excellent. The next several questions again, they may be a little basic but I think for some people that’s really where they want to start. And you’ve done an excellent job laying out sort of the big picture here and getting from this default mindset to a new one, that requires taking a leap that requires 30 days to form a new habit in your life and to make it just a part of who you are.

So I think some people, they can feel overwhelmed and especially sort of the audience here being really busy people, particular busy people with families and they have so many things going on in their mind all the time that they really forget to focus on their self and their own well-being.

So if you’re talking to that person, this busy mom with three kids running around; and she’s trying to balance her career and all these other things too. She has this goal and that’s maybe its too fussy, she wants to lose weight, she wants to feel like she did ten years ago and feel energetic. You know what? That’s first step. So, like the very first things that she needs to do, whenever she knows she is sort of in an obscure way wants to lose weight, what’s her first step to get to it?

Tom:        Well, you know, you’ve had a couple of things. You said fussy and obscure and that stuff, there’s a vast majority of people when the say they’ve set a goal, is usually very fussy and obscure.

Dustin:     Yeah.

Tom:        And anything that is ambiguous will do nothing to reprogram the part of out unconscious mind that other people are moving to. We can consciously, with our will move to what we want, create those new habits in 30 days.  What is imperative for that month, number one, to be clear and exact on what she wants, not just about losing weight. Think about it, I want to lose weight. I want to lose ten pounds.

Well really? Is ten pounds enough? Is ten pound what you really want to lose? Why do you want to lose ten pounds? Why is that, where do we get that number from? You know it’s opposed to really getting clear on what that is. I mean it’s not different than “I’m broke, I’m freaking broke”. So what do you want? “I don’t want to be broke anymore.

Okay let’s phrase it into positive, “I want to be rich”, we all want to be rich but does that really do anything on unconscious level to restart reprogramming this old default mode? Your default mode is that you’re broke and you’re always going to be broke, hear it.  It’s you problem because your problem actually is on blueprint.

So with this housewife, getting really clear on what that is and by the way, I think you know, as a fitness professional yourself and talking over with several other this last few weeks and months is, it probably has given us all a good idea that the motivation of just losing weights, it’s a pretty good chance it’s going to get interrupted by some chips, by some kids, by the dog, by the husband, whatever might be. A time restraint it’s got. The goal of just losing weight is going to get interrupted and you’ll never create a habit based on that goal alone. So it’s really important to get clear on what you really want Fahra for example, she might have this idea on her mind that “god, my favorite jeans!” I mean these are classic example, right?

Everybody wants to be able to fit in their old favorite pair of Levis or jeans or I go back to the days of the ‘Cavarichis’. Thank god. But that is a more compelling goal so she’s already got a model for that, the model for losing weight. It’s a model for losing weight , people get caught in this loop of loosing weight  and then they put weight back on so that they could go back again to losing weight.

So instead, she already has a model in her mind, an example, an experience of physical and emotional component of what it felt like to be on those jeans, man. How good it felt, how good she looked. Maybe even the auditory component, maybe she got complimented Wow she looks great on those jeans. That’s what she wants to hear again, she wants to feel how good it felt to be, and she wants to look in the mirror and see her self in those jeans. Now we’ve got all three components, auditory, physical and kinesthetic, working off in on her behalf towards moving towards something that’s a lot more specific. I want to get into those jeans, so if I was a trainer working with her. What’s that going to require?

Let’s get really clear, is that ten pounds, what do we need to lose is a measurement more, but more importantly for her is getting clear on that, ‘I want to get in those jeans’. For somebody else, it might be some other thing; it might be some other, because the mind works with symbols much better than it works with numbers and data. You create a symbol for what you want is that you looking in the mirror or out in the street, or at the cafe, in those jeans you’ll look freaking awesome and somebody comes up and says “wow, you look great on those jeans” that’s a symbol that the mind can get hold off and start moving towards and creating something that’s compelling, you might say.

Dustin:     Yeah, sounds like the key there  with setting your goal, is to make sure it has a real strong emotional tie because everything I hear your talking about there, just this particular  in that specific example. It’s totally emotional thing, it’s the ‘why’ behind the goal and that ‘why really needs to have some emotional component to keep you moving forward, is that right?

Tom:        Absolutely. So those are the two, in the books there’s seven rules of achievement. The two most important roles, at the very beginning, number one and two are the ‘what’ and the ‘why’. Most people never get what they want as Jim Monroe once said because they don’t know what they want. It’s ambiguous. It’s obscure, it’s cloudy. Just another ‘quick quick example’ and we’ve made all the, you may have done this, I’ve done this where I made it, in fact it was just a couple of weeks ago.

I was on the phone with someone and we’re going to meet for coffee. And she said let’s meet over at Panera Bread which just off Sheridan and a hundred twenty. So I said “Great I know right where that is, I’ve been there, I know exactly where that is”, right?

Dustin:     Yeah.

Tom:        So we look at it here, I got my cars, a week later, I’ve got my car I’m driving over there and I’m getting closer and all of a sudden wait a minute, I thought I know where it was and now am I, is it amnesia or something.

I started getting a little fussy I wasn’t exactly sure. You think you know, it’s like you set a goal and you’ve never written it down your having a clear, and there’s no emotional component to it. There’s no real reward to it and it’s a little fussy like telling someone you’ll meet them somewhere and as you get closer you realized your not really exactly sure where it is and now you’re starting a little panicky, because your going to be late or you can’t find it whatever happens that causes confusion in the mind, it’s the mind’s confusion where we talked about it but a confused mind is a default mind, it goes right back to the old default mode.

So that’s really critical. You can’t be fussy man, you got to know exactly what you want specifically, the more you distill it down into a message, that your unconscious mind gets and the universe and the universe gets energetically, BAAM! The greater the likelihood is that you’ll really achieve it. Hope that it wasn’t like too fussy in it’s self.

Dustin:     No, I don’t think it was at all. I think that was great and my biggest struggle now is I have some follow up questions I wanted to ask and you’ve done such a good job with your examples that they might already had been asked but I’m going to ask them anyway because I think I’m sure you still have better case studies and some more specifics for people.

So I’m trying to think some sort of a main mindset issues that we face and all the things I’ve faced personally when it comes to fitness in particular but these are really universal throughout your life and so we talked about goal setting there, sort of the first big step and it’s the What and Why, it’s your first two rules of achievement. And then I think the other thing that we call all relate to is you’re all fired up at the beginning  and maybe you’re thinking of those skinny jeans and for two weeks, there you go, you’re doing great and I know we talked about the 30-day habit, maybe that’s part of the answer but so many of us get fired up at the beginning whether we got these goals and particularly these emotional goals and then we, at some point along the way we lose our motivation.

We fall off-course and that sort of goal becomes a distant memory. People were sort of listening to this at the beginning of New Year. They’re probably thinking back to last year and all these resolutions that they might have made and these goals they had for a year, they might not remember what they were but at the time, they’re like the biggest thing in our life.

So what’s your top advice I guess when it comes to staying motivated over the long haul, and really creating if we’re getting away from this default mode and to what we really want? What are some top tips I guess for staying motivated over the long term?

Tom:        Yeah. Well certainly, creating web, and also one of the rules is that you’ve got to have a way of measuring progress

Dustin:     Okay.

Tom:        A lot of “Don’ts”, they neglect this component, they may take the first couple steps and their clear in what they want, why they want it and the third step is to know where you are in the process so you really kind of measure progress. Measuring progress is critical, you’ve got to be able to, because there will going to be times when your going to get challenged, you don’t want to be pulled off-course and you don’t want to go back to the old default mode.

So if you’re not measuring progress, you’re not seeing the incremental stages that you’re moving towards that ultimate goal, looking good in those jeans or creating abundant wealth in your life, and that abundant wealth by the way also needs to be clearly defined. And the measuring the progress is based on where you are currently. If I’m trying to create some abundance in my life financially, I need to know exactly what financial picture looks like right now, most people aren’t really clear on that, so most people aren’t really clear or don’t want them.

Have you ever had a client that doesn’t want to wait in, you know what? Let’s just gets started I don’t even want to wait, I don’t want to see one either, I don’t, I’m devastated.

Dustin:     Yeah, they don’t want to.

Tom:        They don’t want to look at a few measurements.

Dustin:     Or doesn’t want to, let’s say, before photo because they don’t want to see it.

Tom:        Yeah, that’s a perfect example, the before photo are painful for most people and a lot of people resist that, but if you don’t do that then it becomes really difficult to quantify progress. If we’re not quantifying progress, we may not be seeing it. The other thing that winds up discouraging people and taking away their motivation is that they maybe like, and this happens with personal training, fitness professionals all the time. If all I’m doing is one learning modality with the first, in other words ” Okay, we’re going to lose you a matter of weight and we’re going to weight in every week and if we don’t see progress on the scale or even if we do see progress on the scale, it may not be enough for that individual, you know, what does that really mean to be ” hey, we lose two pounds, great, we’re moving towards our goal already.

But what I want is a feeling, I want something that really feel some immediate, if I’m trying to get down from a forty-waist-line jean to a thirty-two, so you know what? “Hey you know what maybe in three weeks, maybe I go out and I’ll treat myself to a pair of 38s, a pair of 36s, just kind of a way of measuring your progress along the way so that you maintain that motivation so that you can see number one that you’re really moving towards what you want, that’s a really critical component in staying motivated, the other thing too, is to be aware, we talked about it’s hard to change anything.

That you’re not aware that needs to be changed or whether it’s disrupting your life or disempowering in any way. The first thing is to be aware it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. Along the way, you’re going to want to feeling a little discouraged, you’re going to fall off and whine up feeling a little busy, you’re going to whine up feeling ” oh my God, is it even worth it,” so you’re going to lose  a little bit of ‘mojo’.

The key is to be aware of it, and I define it because again the mind functions best based on symbols versus anything else, numbers even, it’s got a symbol so this thing that wants to pull you back, wants you to get discouraged and wants you to go back to the old default mode, go back to who you are at one time and what you’ve decided to change, I call it the ‘dragon’ and a ‘dragon’ shows up just as things are starting change just as the village is starting to grow their crops things are starting to change just like ‘wow we created abundance, it’s spring time let’s get out and play, let’s move out and all of a sudden the freaking dragon comes in and says so that “those crops are mine”.

So, and that’s going to show up thirty days into a twenty days into a sixty days into it, incrementally the dragon will show up and want to pull you right back or send you back into the hat or send you back into the cave, so you’re protected, in your comfort zone. It doesn’t want you to change. It’s part of the ego that’s differently afraid of change, so if we’re aware of it, number one, and you say okay, as soon as you get acutely aware of that, I didn’t get to the gym yesterday and I’m feeling, I’m already asking myself a question or maybe I can’t get there today either I got this project I’m working on. You’ve go to sit back and become aware of that suddenly, “hey wait a second I didn’t get to the gym yesterday, I didn’t do so good either and I’m also questioning whether I’m going to do that today, this is it, this is the very beginning of the dragon’s whooping out wanting you to go right back into your comfort zone, back into the cave or back in the hut to protect yourself from getting burned, right?

Dustin:     Yeah.

Tom:        So you’ve got to be aware of that. So the first thing is in terms of maintaining motivation and there are several motivation tools by the way, getting clear on what you want is critical, number one, having a compelling ‘why’ and writing these things down are really critical.

We talked about looking back or thinking about old resolutions from last year, most people don’t even remember what they were. If you don’t remember what your resolution were from last year then you’re set up for failure to begin with, it should be written down it should be a compelling mission statement along with that and also identifying ‘why’, why is this important? If I don’t lose fifty pounds, what example am I setting for my children?

We’ve already challenged today, we junked food, and crap and watching TV and video games and being sedentary. I’m setting up another model for that, what kind of success they are going to be later in life as a result to that. That’s a compelling why. The truth is we’ll do more for others than we will for ourselves, if your goal is set up around and not only doing something for you are just really important, but as parents we know that we’ll sacrifice our lives for our kid’s man, so you know what?

Instead of sacrificing life, change your life. So identifying ‘what’, ‘why’, attaching it to someone else and serving someone else getting clear on how you’re going to measure your progress along the way, what do you have to see in the mirror what do you have to hear, maybe what do you have to say on the scale, critical and knowing that, that dragon at some point or many points is going to soothe in and try to stop you.

And all of a sudden you become aware of it and if you set your mind to be aware of it, if you know it’s common I’m going to wait for it, it’s common and when it does I’m going to identify quickly and I’m going to say no I’m taking action, you stop right down, right then, no matter what, because again this is the old neural pathway trying to reset itself. So as soon as you become aware of that, here comes the dragon, holy crap I can’t believe it there it is Tom said it’s going to happen and sure enough, you stop the table, you stop what you’re doing you get your shoes on you go for a walk I don’t care what it is.

Even if you just have time to stand up to interrupt the pattern, the pattern that says stop you don’t need to go to the gym, you don’t need to eat bitter, stop immediately, interrupt the pattern, stand up, take a deep breath, connect with your body do three slots for god’s sake, run in place for five seconds anything to interrupt that old pattern from reuniting again. Those are critical components, those four things, what do you want, why do you want it, identifying whether your on the process and know when the dragon is going to show up, really critical in maintaining the motivation. Most people don’t do that, they just don’t.

Dustin:     Yeah. That’s awesome and if you do that too and you’re aware of the dragon and you take that corrective step to do something to block it off. Then again early in our conversation we talked about strengthening your will, that’s going to strengthen your will. That’s going to give you a lot more self confidence because it’s like everything went wrong today, I’ve had every excuse in the world to skip the gym, I only wait for fifteen minutes but I win, damn it this isn’t the new me, this is who I am.

Tom:        Oh man, you know with all of that ‘blammer’ and I did and you just said it more succinctly than I ever could. That’s it, right there, you know it’s like damn it, I just went, you know how much pride your taking at, when you do, and that’s the emotional component when you’re proud of what your doing and you feel like, you know what, in the past I would have let that take me out but now I’m aware of it, now I know it’s a dragon I know it’s just trying to take me back and I took some action just like you said I went to the gym, it was only fifteen minutes but I went, you feel really good about that.

So you can imagine how you’re going to feel the next day, your going to feel like I did some, I overcame that, I strengthen my will, the way we lose motivation is by allowing the dragon to defeat us again and again, we become deflated, we lose. We lose today, you’re much weaker tomorrow and it knows it, remember when your strength of will gets stronger, it gets weaker but if you allow it to get stronger, and yours get weaker. It’s a dynamic relationship between the two and it’s critical that yours continue to get stronger while it gets weaker and not reverse.

Dustin:     Okay.

Tom:        So you said it really well. Thank you.

Dustin:     Well thanks; you’re a good teacher because I’ve made it boil down that quickly to me in my mind as an example.

Tom:        Excellent.

Dustin:     So there’s a lot of value obviously and in all seven rules of achievement, I know we’ve talked about several and different capacities I guess. But just as so we don’t miss some, I mean, could you kind of just walk us through quickly the seven rules the ones that I already eluded to, you can sort of say remember this is what we talked about and just wrap up here with what are the seven rules of achievement that people need to keep in mind and obviously they can. They’ll pick up your book hopefully and they’ll get the in-depths and all the case studies and stories that go along with it but would that be okay, could you sum up the seven?

Tom:        Absolutely. The seven that I have in the book, it circle a component and begins with, it begins first with dream of desire. And that’s not one of the rules but that’s where it begins, it begins with something that you really want that you decided and you made a decision. And then moves in to the ‘what’, getting clear on what that looks like. We’ve got to really define that down, home it down, distill it down, I’ve mentioned Jim Monroe, most people never get what they want because they don’t know what they want specifically, if it’s cloudy, its fussy, that’s going to happen but next is the Why.

Why is it compelling why do you really want this, most people fail in achieving any sort of goal or idea of what they want as a result of not having a compelling why, if the why you want to be rich or lose weight is based on something society expects from you or your mother expects from you or even your husband expects from you it’s nice not to let people down and  help meet their expectation we’re not here to meet other people’s expectation, we’re here to set high achievement goals for ourselves and meet our own expectation in that respect.

So you’ve got to have a compelling why that’s not based on what somebody else expects from you, even society for that matter. The third reason of course is the WHERE, where  are you in the process, it’s critical because you know what you want, it’s way over here and your somewhere over here but your not sure where, I mean imagine that, a map of the United States in front of you and you’ve got this great destination, “Hey, we’re going to go to Vegas for the weekend man, I can’t wait that it’s going to be a blast, that we’re going to stay in discreet hotel, we’re going to have some fun, What Happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

But you don’t know where you are, if you’ve got to go south, east, north, and west. I don’t know where I am I know I want to go to Vegas, I know where it is, but I have no idea where I’m starting from, very difficult and then again it creates confusion in the mind. If the mind is confused, it’s a default mind. You’ve got to remember that.

Dustin:     Sure.

Tom:        And then next thing is of course, RESOURCES, what resources do you have, what resources will you need. Another way a lot of people wind up discouraged, and I believe it’s self-sabotaging in many respect or wind up discouraged, frustrated and not achieving their goals, it’s because they didn’t take enough time in advance to identify what resources they’re going to need we’ve all heard this in the past you know “oh yes, oh how’s it going man, you went back to school right, you’re going to study for your Master’s degree” and then you’ve started “oh yeah, I made it one semester and man it just got too expensive, I just couldn’t do it”.

Really, you could have identified that in advance and then decided what am I going to need how am I going to be able to finance this thing in advance, I think I’ve just got to start and go and find solutions along the way. For really getting in, this is, this rules is about the science of achievement, walking into it or just taking that leap of faith without a plan, without a strategy without a science behind it.

The science of achievement is based on this seven rules, the seven rules is based on the science of achievement. And identifying your resources, what do you need, if you know, you go to the gym on a regular basis and you wind up gone for two months or you stop for two months or you missed every other work at hour, when you’re there, you tend to slack off. Well, a good resource might be to have a personal trainer, have someone that coaches you, a mentor or even an accountability partner on a regular basis.

Dustin:     Right.

Tom:        That’s going to be a critical component for you, so if you don’t do that, if you don’t have that  in advance or find a way to make that happen in advance, you might be setting yourself or propel it based on your old pattern, right?

Dustin:     Yeah.

Tom:        You’ve got to know what resources you have, what resources you want. The next step is of course is EVIDENCE, and we’ve talked about this earlier. You’ve got to evidence your progress, you’ve got to know where you’re going and by the way, it’s just interesting that I talked about in the book, so I did a lot of research in this area because if you take an overview of the goal, you’re here here’s your goal your moving towards it and you’ve got a pretty good idea of what it looks like.

So you’re moving into the right direction but down in the trenches, the terrain is a little different than the overview, the full map, right? We know that the terrain is filled with obstacle from over here, you can’t see the landmines, and you’ll only know they’re there when you’re down in the trenches, when you’re in the terrain. The terrain is always different than the map, so it’s really a good idea along the way to learn from someone who’s been through the terrain. If I’m walking through a mine field I want to be behind someone who’s been through that mine field before.

Who could recognize, identify “okay, take a step over the left, take a step over the right, alright; you’ve got to jump over this one”. Because the terrain is going to be something that’s going to stop us along the way unless we identify those things, so it’s a great idea to have a mentor, to have a coach. I have someone who’s been there before and done that. That’s what evidence, and also evidence that you’ve gotten there.

My wife and I went camping in Louisville Colorado; I lived out there in Colorado. We went camping in Twin Lakes, Louisville a couple of years ago and we knew exactly what we wanted to do on the map, we know, right, it was this really cool camping ground. It wasn’t like this big win of Vegas; we’re off there to start a trail. And we knew where we wanted to go and we get back here and we follow the map and we get back, it should be here this is here, look at the map I guess it’s here somewhere, but it’s all rocks and trees and so.

And there was no evidence or no sign, no nothing that we were there. and it was really frustrating because we drove about half an hour trying to figure it out, we wind up camping there anyway I mean it was the camp ground enough  but we were a little frustrated, we couldn’t find it and that’s simply because we didn’t really know what are the landmarks.

What are we really looking for all we have is a map so know what you’re looking for in terms of evidence that you achieved it? By the way, this is and this maybe for you because I know that you’ve put a lot of work into this project. And for many of you that put that kind of work into a project like this, it’s easy to become a workaholic, it’s easy to set a goal to achieve something and not even identify that we’re achieved it, not celebrate that we’ve achieved it simply because we’re still striving, we noses to the grind stone, and we got the nose to the grindstone, we can’t, we don’t even know that we’ve achieved what we have set out to achieve.

Dustin:     Yeah I can relate to that a lot of areas.

Tom:        Right?

Dustin:     Yeah.

Tom:        We do that. so that’s another reason why you’re really  not clear on evidence, not only that your making progress, but evidence that you’re freaking there, we’ve got it. We’ve achieved it. Now stop right man, and embody that celebration.

The next one is “IR” I call it the Internal Representation, and the Internal representation is a critical component because again it’s the internal model that’s why I went back to this gal who watched on her weight but clearly it’s more back getting into those jeans. She’s got a model for that, what is that look like, right so she’s already got evidence mentally, she’s got a picture what that looks like, sound like and feels like. And as a result it’s much more compelling and she’s moving towards it on a regular basis just to make that happen. If we don’t have a good mental picture of what it sounds like, what it feels like what it looks like, it’s a little tough to achieve. You’ve got to have that mental picture, the Internal Representation is critical.

The last component is ACTION, taking action. Your going to have all the other stuff in place but if your not taking action, sometimes massive action if you don’t take that first leap of faith that first giant step or small step, what’s going to happen? You know we talked about the Law of Attraction and personal development; it’s the whole, the secret. The secret is, number one, it wasn’t really a big secret to be kept up and, two, we wan to resonate in a certain energy by focusing on something. But the classic example has become ” Hey I’ve focused on a lot of money, I’ve been focused on being rich but I’ve never had a freaking armored truck and pull up in front of my house just drop a whole bunch of money, this never happen.

If you don’t take action, I don’t care how much you visualize, how many other rules you got in place, you’ve got to take action and that’s the seventh rule. So it’s really important that you have all seven of those, you really tap into the science of achievement as opposed to maybe getting lucky here and there. That’s happened, luck. Luck is one of the seven rules, I tell you what man and it maybe the overarching component of the whole thing, there’s a little luck involved.

Dustin:     Yeah, I’ve heard they call it and I’m not sure where it originated, I’ve heard it a lot in this circles but the harder you work, the luckier you become. I think that just gets wrapped into that. I loved what you’ve laid out there, with the science behind achievement and I think what most people would find is as they do those things they’re being proactive and their taking those actions that will, luck kind of find you. It’s not so much of luck, it’s you set yourself up for success and I’ve found that in different areas of my own life and seen that with a lot of friends and colleagues where, if you didn’t know them on that surface and it look like their just lucky. But when you dig down you’ll see that they’ve been taking a lot of action that you didn’t know about and they’ve set those all up for their successes so.

Tom:        Yeah, oh boy, you hit on the nose, I mean it’s like we all see somebody thrust into the spotlight. Now today is a little different in some respects, there’s exception to these rules, with all this reality shows, the situation for example. Although even that, I’ve got to say there’s much into the situation guide its kind of like character where all I know are you kidding me.

Well let’s face it if you didn’t work it the AB, your not in great shape. but if you didn’t work the abs a little, if you didn’t do something you wouldn’t been prepared for and I’ve got to give them some credit, because we’re going to have rush in to line by that you look like overnight success. You’ve got to have some symbol and sub-stability in your life emotionally to be able to handle it. A lot of people couldn’t even handle it for a couple of months being thrust towards into that line so I give them that,  but I think in most cases the overnight successes is nowhere near overnight, right?

It’s about preparation; it’s about being the right person, the right time in the right spot. And in the book, what I want to teach you also is that, by applying those rules, particularly the ‘what and the ‘why’, we programmed what’s called the Reticular Activator in our mind.

Dustin:     Yeah. That’s pretty fascinating concept.

Tom:        It’s a really interesting, because really it’s a physical component of the brain but that’s located just below the brain stem in the basal ganglion, in the back of the head and it becomes like a board of patrol guard that only allows into our consciousness certain information that’s either significant or problematic or familiar let’s just say. Because think about how much information even just as we’re looking at the screen, if we had to process consciously, all the billion of bits of information that’s coming at us everyday, it could be impossible, we go mad. So the Board of patrol guard has to allow into our consciousness the things that are significant, important or problematic.

Problematic might be if your walking on a path in Colorado in a hiking trail, you may not consciously see that rattle snake that’s on the path but unconsciously your Reticular Activator knows “hey, that’s dangerous” and it makes you alert about it. It alerts you of that situation, and in life, and finances or relationships there are problematic things that we want to be alerted of, so it lets it into our unconsciousness. Sometimes we overreact to those things, but the thing that’s important to us in this particular component or what’s significant. So what makes something significant to you, what makes it important to you is that you’ve identified it as such and it’s got a compelling component to it like an emotion that makes it significant.

When I first rescued our snoucher, it’s like I didn’t smell the breed, I didn’t pay attention to the snoucher breed. All of a sudden I started seeing snoucher everywhere I mean there was like explosion in the snoucher population on my neighborhood, that’s not what really happened. What happened is, all of a sudden they became significant to me and I started seeing them everywhere. So when you identify what you want and you program them unconsciously that Reticular Activator, also the resources, the opportunities that would have just dissipated, I never seen you, I never get the opportunity as well , really. You haven’t programmed yourself to identify the opportunities and to identify the resources you need to achieve your goal.

Once you program it you become Donald Shrum that freaking guy doesn’t miss an opportunity no matter what. He knows exactly what he wants and he has an idea he’s going to get there, but he identifies resources along the way that makes it possible to do what he does. Do those resources show up more than?  Absolutely, but when you program yourself and you train yourself and you’re mastering achievement, that’s what happens. You start to identify things that would otherwise dissipate, disappear, you never really even noticed they were there, it’s important to program that way, number one, what do you want, that’s critical

Dustin:     Yeah. that’s fantastic, you need to use snoucher example and I’ve met as one of your talks I’ve seen before or an interview with you, anyone can relate to you as you may not notice there’s a yellow Honda Civic in the whole town but if you bought one or if you’re thinking about going to buy a Honda Civic or a Toyota Camry, you’ll see every single one, you know it’s like, it seems like they’re everywhere then.

Tom:        Absolutely.

Dustin:     You were there, but you just never noticed them because you didn’t set up your Reticular Activator System I guess it wasn’t set up to pick up that and put that in your conscious mind. 

Tom:        Exactly right I mean you wouldn’t notice why you would notice a yellow or a Honda Civic other wise until it became important to you, Although, I’m looking forward to noticing all of your red Lamborghinis out there. I already noticed them by the way, but it’s not, it’s just cool. With taking it to a whole new level, you know what I mean?

Dustin:     Yeah. Those handle well and the roads in Colorado, you may do I guess?

Tom:        Let’s wait for them, a friend of mine, Bill Phillips, Bill has several exotic cars and I don’t think he has any exotic cars here. He has a place in Los Angeles, in Hollywood.

Dustin:     Okay.

Tom:        Fabulous right? And he has several exotic cars but that’s a really great place for it. Here? I don’t know I’ve seen a few; I’m looking forward to testing one. Those Colorado roads man, right? I’ll let you know, alright?

Dustin:     Definitely. Well, I think we’re about ready to wrap up and my final question here, maybe a challenge; we’ve got running questions through all the interviews and then maybe hit on a little different aspect. But the basic thing is the one top piece of advice, the one takeaway that people can take action on right away. For busy couples, in this case, if they want to improve their relationship and their well being and their fitness so, I know it’s hard because we’ve talked about so much; you have so much great information.

Tom:        Thank you.

Dustin:     But if you could pick one top piece of advice that you want people, sort of a parting thought to leave with, what do you think would that be?

Tom:        Well, number is that we can’t expect our partners as I’ve talked about earlier to meet our expectations, the greatest pain that we experience in life is unmet expectations and if we’ve suddenly gone involved in fitness and we’re enjoying it and we felt compelled that we want our partner to be part of that, and we encouraged them and then we pushed them but they just aren’t embracing it, it maybe that they’re putting up resistance for many several reasons. And maybe because we’re pushing them into it, we expect them to be part of it.

The best thing you could do is to love your partner unconditionally and inspire them through your own actions, its part of it. We might be a little discouraged because we’d love to do that hike with our wife or a husband, we love to do skiing or mountain biking or get into gym together, we all have this idea, we’ll train with our partners in the gym, we’ll look like that couple that “wow they’re all the way together that’s great”.

Dustin:     Sure.

Tom:        That’s perfect, if you can do that, fantastic. My wife and I used to train together and I’ve got to tell you I’ve had as a former national bodybuilding champion and a competitor on Mr. Olympia’s state. I’ve trained with some of the top guys in the world of my year, of my generation and my wife, son of a gun, was the toughest trainer I’ve ever had in my life. I stopped training with her; I couldn’t train with her anymore. Because I’m like “push it to the limit”, like Oh I’m done, and she said you have three more and she was always pushing me man and in actuality, it was started a hurting relationship so we stopped training together.

Dustin:     Yeah.

Tom:        The idea that we could do this together but it really wasn’t what we thought it might be so it didn’t worked out. So the critical thing here is, don’t expect your spouse necessarily to be in love with everything that you’re in love with doing.

The only way to really motivate someone or inspire someone to take action in what you love to do is by really being what you want, what the change you want to see in others , you have to be that change. And if you’re both out of shape or out of condition or could take your fitness level to another whole new level.

Then you urge yourself to embrace that yourself personally and inspire your spouse to be part of it as a result of seeing what your experience and the changes that’s taking place in your life. And hopefully, you’ll get on the same path together. Otherwise, then you should just be happy together and do what you do man.

Dustin:     That’s awesome advice, and that’s something we haven’t touched on enough in somebody’s interviews. My background has a lot to do with helping people with their marriages and the relationship-side of things and of course none of it is fitness at this point but that’s just perfect.

Again, like all these things that we talked about it’s so wide-ranging and it applies to all areas of our life but that leading by example and doing it yourself and that’s how you get your spouse fired up and get them on board because they’ll see the results, they’ll see what it means to you and if they have an interest in it, and then they just may not. But if they do that’s how you’ll get them to come along and if you start throwing it down or throw it, it just becomes resentful and things will never go the right way when you take that approach so.

Tom:        Plus, we create desire, we can help motivate desire in others by actually, instead do the opposite means, its simple reverse psychology. I mean really for example I mean I’m not sure everyone on this goal will want this book. I’m not sure this book is for everyone, not everyone is ready to make the commitment to really start moving forward and creating the changes in their lives. So if you’re not ready, then you know that this book is not for you, the seven rules aren’t for you. Keep doing what you’re doing, enjoy it and mediocrity is what you enjoy in your life then that’s fine. For those of you who really want to make some changes, this is the way you want to go.

Dustin:     Yeah, I highly recommend it that was theoretically I’ve got a lot from the sayings that you do.

Tom:        By the way I just got some explaining to do, the reason I did that, I didn’t want that to be blame sell, the reason I did that is that it’s because when we push the advice “you know what, you need to strike them both, you need to get on board with this thing, you need to make something happen in your life.

If we approach ourselves with that same thing at all, I’m going to gym you need to go, you’re getting fat and I’m looking good, you know what? It doesn’t work, they’ll put up resistance. If we just say, I’m doing this and you’re welcome to join me but it may not be for you’re right now, that’s okay. It creates a desire, it’s like “Hey I want to be around that, I want to be part of that” instead of pushing them and as a result, creating resistance. That’s the reason I did that.

And because let’s say, subtle unconscious suggestion.

Dustin:     And I little suddenly unconsciously suggest also that people join me in studying that book because, with all that we’ve talked about today, I’m personally fired up and I’ve talked to twelve experts now and I guess a lot of other experts for this particular series  and I listen to a lot of things that have to do with success and achievement in different areas of life and I think you’ve got it man, I think you had it figured out and I’m really excited about those seven steps.

I’m really excited to show this interview with everybody and I know particularly those busy people out there who can feel overwhelmed and they went to this jariations and the yoyos and their fitness and their other parts of their life. I’m hoping this is a moment that they get it and they’re willing to go out there and take the next step to go but a book, how basic is that? And spend a few days reading that and let that be the catalyst for figuring out what it is that you want and then go on and get it.

Tom:        I appreciate that , I really do and the last thing might say to everyone is if you’re hearing in your own little mind right now, not little mind but little voice in your mind, now you’ve gotten some tools you’ve gotten some action steps, you’ve got an opportunity to make some changes but what will happen is that old default mode will come in and say and remind you of the times you’ve tried in the past and maybe you wouldn’t be as successful as you could have been, you’ve got to say thank you for sharing, you’re creating a new neural pathway, a past does not equal the future.

So forget that, so just thank you for sharing and move on with some new congruent actions towards what you want, because you’re going to hear that old little voice it’s going to come up and maybe coming up right now.

Dustin:     Well Tom, where is the best place for people to find out more about you, some of the different coaching services or speaking opportunities as well as find the seven rules of achievement, kind of where would you direct people, if they could do it on-line?

Tom:        There’s a couple of websites, you could go to TomTerwilliger.com or for the book and some other things we’re doing around the book and coaching, 7rulesofachievement.com

Dustin:     And that’s the numerical seven?

Tom:        The number seven, numerical seven. Yes, I just forget to add that, thank you.

Dustin:     Yeah, that’s a, I don’t know else what to say on this. Thank you. This is fantastic, I don’t know how anyone could listen to this and not be inspired and not be ready to go make some of this changes that they’ve maybe struggled with over the years. So, with that Tom, I’ll let you go here and we will hopefully hook up in the future and thank you so much for being part of this interview series.

Tom:        My pleasure Dustin, and thank you. And keep doing the great work your doing. You’re serving a lot of people including your family but your making a life a little bit more congruent in terms of balance and  I want to thank you for that. I’ve gotten a lot out of this myself, so than you very much.

Dustin:     Well, thank you.

I hope you enjoyed that interview with Tom Terwilliger, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably pretty fired up right now and ready to set your goals and to go achieve them. I think the great aid to that would be Tom’s book; it’s featured here, “Seven Rules of Achievement”. We’ll go ahead and link to it below the interview so that you’ll be seeing access to that. You can check out Tom both at 7rulesofachievement.com for the book, and also TomTerwilliger.com for his blog which is also a great resource.

Thanks again for joining us and have a great day.